carrying on from the previous article https://corporatehealthtrainer.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/domestic-violence-classical-sequence-leading-to-parent-abuse/
Some fundamental rights of parents, this contributes to their overall health.
- The right to be free from abuse – like all abuse this is about gaining control, the key here is to set limits, refuse to give time, money or advice till you find the behaviour appropriate.
- The right to be guilt free – parents tend to feel accountable to the happening in the family, and when things go wrong the guilt steps in, when you do draw a line with the child it is essential that you are guilt free. If the child is not able to forgive you, or still worse if you are not able to forgive yourself it is time to seek help.
- Right to peace of mind – somewhere along the way with children leaving home there is increased freedom and peace of mind. But if the child is struggling with issues of substance abuse, spousal mistreatment, health or financial problems or criminal activities can disturb the parents. The parents need to claim their peace of mind. It would mean that the parents have to permit themselves to enjoy life, have fun go out with friends.
- Right to expect reasonable behaviour from adult child. Young adults living at home should be working or going to school or both. They should also actively contribute to maintain the house. If they are working full time then they should take on the sole responsibility for their personal expenses, including their phone bills, car insurances etc. Interactions have to be respectful, and the parents sleep schedule should be treated with consideration.
- The right to be imperfect the acceptance that one does not have to be perfect. A good enough parent recognizes his or her own strength or limitations and is comfortable about doing an adequate job. This honesty in accepting fallibility brings in better bonding with the child.
- The right to decide what to do with your own money. financially helping children is okay, it is a gift and not an obligation. Parents do not owe their children the lifestyle to which they may have become accustomed to. When children move back home it is essential to keep finance clear.
- The right to decide to manage your time. – most important gift you can give yourself and others is the gift of time. Constantly babysitting your grandchildren may create an expectation that will eventually cause issues. You do not owe anyone an explanation if you choose to relax
- The right to choose your social circle – as an individual you have the right to choose who you would like to associate with. Usually kids do not interfere with this except in India in the case of a parent especially maternal involvement romantically.
- Right to retirement – many times parents are forced to defer their financial plans to help children who are struggling financially or emotionally for years. But this is also a choice not mandatory.
.Ensuring that as Parents if can respect our space, and draw boundaries though in the Indian context it might seem sacrilege it could go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.