Traditionally we are proud of ourselves for having slipped creative work in between domestic chores and obligation. I am not really sure we deserve such a big A+ for that.
I have been brought up a mother to whom watching the television or relaxing doing nothing was a crime. She had to solve crossword until she dropped off to sleep. She instilled the same value into me and to the date she ensures that it is reinforced.
I had to be unselfish, put my kids, husband, house, socially acceptable career and then take a rest if time permitted. This happened at the cost of my creative energy and I resented it somewhere along the way. I realized that I actually felt like a cornered rat.
It was not that I was not productive or creative but it was incomplete, and I always felt like a fraud if someone complimented me then it rang false.
Early days it “I wish I could kill you” when people infringed into my space, gradually over the years it has been replaced by “I wish I were dead.”
The pay off for this squeeze my personal passion is so high, I get to call myself considerate in self-flattering moments and victim during me pity moments. To many of this trap of creative anorexia helps we feel spiritually superior as we are good and considerate. I call this the “Joan of Arc syndrome”
But the bottom-line is we are in a state of denial. We are not inspired by the encore, simply because the artist has absconded from the crime scene after being stifled.
Our need to appear unselfish is so great, we become self ‘less’ and seriously self destructive. Saying no to someone would me saying yes to me, and that is a responsibility we are petrified to accept.
Try this question
Am I self destructive? The answer is a prompt NO
Now rephrase it—Am I nice, considerate and helpful— is there an epiphany?
Remember there are some risks you cannot afford to take, and some risks you cannot afford not to take.—Peter Drucker.