Bridging the Gap

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image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

Healing the parent child relation.

https://corporatehealthtrainer.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/domestic-violence-parent-abuse/

https://corporatehealthtrainer.wordpress.com/?p=600&preview=true

after the previous articles, no matter how hopeless it sounds, the adolescent children particular as they mature to adulthood, can come around to forgive their parents. If the parent was abusive when the child was younger,  then just a simple sorry will not help.

Though Hypnotherapy and Family constellation both help us resolve these issues, I have used this in my clinic by healing the inner child, there are other ways too.  It begins with

Trying to understand despite of being convinced that we have done nothing, there is something in our behaviour that the child has perceived. After all, the parent is the most omnipotent figure in the child’s life. Listening is the first step.

Don’t be defensive – even a whiff of self righteousness can disturb the equation.

Writing out an apology may work the child will be able to read it over and over again. Till it becomes acceptable.

If you have made a mistake then accept it.

If your child wants to continue the war, particular if the child is adolescent or young adult do not engage. Make it clear the war is over the child is still angry but in the long run it prevents you from saying hurtful things and it also sends the message that you want to peace.

Find an intermediary to send the olive branch. The child maybe more receptive to hear from someone else. This is a double edged sword, the surrogate make act as the lightening rod for the rage.

It takes a lot to bring things back to normal. Counselling and therapy may be required. Like I said, there various modes available once we acknowledge that we are dealing with the issue of a abusive child. the most important thing to do will be not give up on child and to continuously stay connected.

tapeworm and cancer

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image courtesy google

image courtesy google

John Doe had come to a Colombia hospital with multiple large tumours in various parts of his bodies, when the local doctors biopsied those tumours they found cells that acted like cancer cells when it came to destruction but behaved differently otherwise.

The most prominent feature was that the cells were 10 times smaller than that of the normal human cancer cell. The doctors called in Centre For Disease control and prevention for help. What the pathologist there saw was,that the cell did indeed grow in a with a high rate of multiplication and there was overcrowding which was cancer like, but there was fusing of cells which is rare in human cells.

The initial theory was that it was new type of infectious organism, but eventually it revealed to contain a DNA snippet of a dwarf tapeworm known as Hymenolepis nana. This was further confirmed by a researcher and tapeworm expert at the National History Museum in London. The discovery that the cells had tapeworm DNA was a big surprise.

Whether the cells had cancerous property before they entered the man’s body or whether they became cancerous in his body is not clear. this was the first time parasite driven cancer cells had spread within an individual.

As we debate whether the cancer was true or not, the bottom line is the man did have cancer, and he would have did if he was not treated effectively.

Cancer is not known to be transmissible in human expect in very rare cases, from mother to foetus. Even among animals scientists have discovered only two contagious cancers so far, one in dogs which is non-fatal and the other in Marsupials of Australia called Tasmanian devils.

image courtesy google

image courtesy google

the cause of the tapeworm mutating into a cancerous form is not really known. Actually even the fact that tapeworm get cancer was not known. It is possible that other parasites do too. Or it could have been an one off situation due to the medications that the gentleman was taking or something else totally.

There are about 75 million people living with tapeworm infection, it might be time to check them too, though most of them are asymptomatic.

That does raise the red flag right.

domestic violence– commandments for Parental health..

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image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

carrying on from the previous article https://corporatehealthtrainer.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/domestic-violence-classical-sequence-leading-to-parent-abuse/

Some  fundamental rights of parents, this contributes to their overall health.

  1. The right to be free from abuse – like all abuse this is about gaining control, the key here is to set limits, refuse to give time, money or advice till you find the behaviour appropriate.
  2. The right to be guilt free – parents tend to feel accountable to the happening in the family, and when things go wrong the guilt steps in, when you do draw a line with the child it is essential that you are guilt free. If the child is not able to forgive you, or still worse if you are not able to forgive yourself it is time to seek help.
  3. Right to peace of mind – somewhere along the way with children leaving home there is increased freedom and peace of mind. But if the child is struggling with issues of substance abuse, spousal mistreatment, health or financial problems or criminal activities can disturb the parents. The parents need to claim their peace of mind. It would mean that the parents have to permit themselves to enjoy life, have fun go out with friends.
  4. Right to expect reasonable behaviour from adult child. Young adults living at home should be working or going to school or both. They should also actively contribute to maintain the house. If they are working full time then they should take on the sole responsibility for their personal expenses, including their phone bills, car insurances etc. Interactions have to be respectful, and the parents sleep schedule should be treated with consideration.
  5. The right to be imperfect the acceptance that one does not have to be perfect. A good enough parent recognizes his or her own strength or limitations and is comfortable about doing an adequate job. This honesty in accepting fallibility brings in better bonding with the child.
  6. The right to decide what to do with your own money. financially helping children is okay, it is a gift and not an obligation. Parents do not owe their children the lifestyle to which they may have become accustomed to. When children move back home it is essential to keep finance clear.
  7. The right to decide to manage your time. – most important gift you can give yourself and others is the gift of time. Constantly babysitting your grandchildren may create an expectation that will eventually cause issues. You do not owe anyone an explanation if you choose to relax
  8. The right to choose your social circle – as an individual you have the right to choose who you would like to associate with. Usually kids do not interfere with this except in India in the case of a parent especially maternal involvement romantically.
  9. Right to retirement – many times parents are forced to defer their financial plans to help children who are struggling financially or emotionally for years. But this is also a choice not mandatory.

.Ensuring that as Parents if can respect our space, and draw boundaries though in the Indian context it might seem sacrilege it could go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.

Figuring the normal in a Newborn’s skin.

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Image courtesy google.

Image courtesy google.

When we say a soft as child’s skin we get the image of pink,rosy image that the television flashes, but is it?

The expression “still wet behind the ears” to describe someone who is inexperienced is inspired by the condition of a new born. A new born baby is generally covered with various fluids during delivery like, amniotic fluid, blood could be maternal or of the child, this kept the child safe and warm in the mother’s womb. The new born is also coated with a pasty, white material called the vernix caseosa  which actually means made up of the foetus.

All this is cleaned off in the first bath. The first cleansing also prevents the rapid fall in the neonatal body temperature which would have occurred if the drying is left to nature.

Many parents are startled by mottling of the skin of the newborn. This is a lacy pattern of small reddish and pale areas, and this occurs quite often because of the normal instability of the blood circulation at the skin surface.

Bluing of the skin called as acrocynosis is sometimes seen for the same reason and this more in cold environment.

Red marks, and petechiae that is tiny specks of blood that have leaked from small vessels in the skin are quite often seen due to the trauma of squeezing through the birth canal. This disappears within the first two weeks.

Bearing down to cry or having a bowel movement sometimes turns the infants hye beet-red or bluish purple.

Some newborns particularly the premature ones  exhibit lanugo or fine soft hair. This could be on the face, shoulders and back of the child this is usually because the child sheds most of this hair in the uterus before delivery but preterm babies may not. In any case this hair disappears in a few weeks.

Birth marks may not be seen in all babies, however sometimes salmon patches are seen in some babies. These are pink or red areas that disappear within the first year. These are called some really fancy names like angel’s kiss, stork bite and may be see on the bridge of the nose, eyelids or brows.

Then there are flat patches of slate blue or blue green colour that resemble ink stains and these are called the Mongolian spots. These fade away with age too.

Collection of capillaries could form a raised red strawberry like mark, which are pale at brith , it enlarges and becomes red in the first few months of birth and eventually gets absorbed within the first six years.

Cafe-au-lit spots are light brown coffee with milk like appearing spots on the skin of some infants, these cause concern only if they are large, or more than six  on the body for they might indicate an underlying medical condition. however these do get darker with age.

Common brown or black moles or the pigmented nevi, could be present at birth or appear or darken as the child gets older. Larger moles or ones with unusual appearance should be brought to the doctor’s attention for they may require removal.

Prevention of occurance of rashes is a major concern. Some harmless rashes may be present at birth like discussed before some may appear during the first few weeks,. Tiny, flat yellow or white spots round the nose and chin are caused by the collection of secretion in the skin glands, these disappear within the first few weeks are called Milia.

Miliaria  is another harmless condition that will go with the first few weeks with normal skin for despite its fearsome name it is a rash consisting of red blotches with pale or yellowish bumps at the center.

Pustular Melanosis is a condition characterized by brown blisters scattered all over the neck, back , and limbs. These disappear without treatment. Interestingly many children exhibit sucking blisters on fingers hands or arms because the foetus can suck while in the uterus.

Keeping the skin soft essentially means keeping it hydrated, free from rashes, scabs, and callus.

This is essential since supple skin means less tendency to tear and adequate body protection.  Some ways we can keep the baby’s skin healthy would be —

  • regular oil massage, we used coconut oil treated with tender teak leaves for both my daughters. Followed by warm water bath.
  • Breast feeding at scheduled interval and once the child can take solid then introduction of light locally available food. Packed baby food would require greater water intake.
  • Clothes of natural fibre that allows the child to breathe.
  • Nutritious maternal health. So that the nutrient availability is there.
  • Meticulous care of skin over the joints and between the fingers and toes as they are spots that tend to develop rashes.
  • Cloth or linen diapers are the best as they allow air and keep the tissue dry yet hydrated. It also stimulates the proper functioning of the temperature regulatory system of the body. and they should be changed very regularly.
image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

The skin which is the largest, and heaviest regulatory, protective and sensory organ of the human body undergoes vast changes from its intrauterine life to the neonatal to infancy. Once we are aware of it then we are able to take the relevant care that it calls for.

Thanks to Dr.Jayagowri Hadigal of Sonia Clinic Udupi. for her valuable inputs. Dr.Hadigal is practising Pediatrician for the past 35 odd years. She heads umpteen Pediatric Health care programs and Preventive Health Care program.

“Pampers brings you the softest ever Pampers Premium Care Pants. Its cotton-like softness is #SoftestForBabySkin and allows it to breathe, thus keeping baby’s skin soft and healthy, and your baby happy. ”

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caring for your baby’s skin

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Image courtesy google.

Image courtesy google.

Keeping the skin soft essentially means keeping it hydrated, free from rashes, scabs, and callus.

This is essential since supple skin means less tendency to tear and adequate body protection.  Before we go into the why and whence forth of it all lets first understand what is skin, what is its function.

The skin is the largest organ in surface area and the heaviest. Its primary function is to protect, regulate body temperature and to perceive sensation.

Presence of calli or rashes indicates the presence of either inflammation or infection. This in turn could lead to the discomfort of the child. if the infection, inflammation or irritation is chronic then it could cause systemic embarrassment that is it could cause problems in the internal health of the child.

The visa-versa is also true internal issues can sometimes causes issues on the skin.

The best way to keep the baby skin healthy is

  • regular oil massage, we used coconut oil treated with tender teak leaves for both my daughters. Followed by warm water bath.
  • Breast feeding at scheduled interval and once the child can take solid then introduction of light locally available food. Packed baby food would require greater water intake.
  • Clothes of natural fibre that allows the child to breathe.
  • Nutritious maternal health. So that the nutrient availability is there.
  • Meticulous care of skin over the joints and between the fingers and toes as they are spots that tend to develop rashes.
  • Cloth or linen diapers are the best as they allow air and keep the tissue dry yet hydrated. It also stimulates the proper functioning of the temperature regulatory system of the body. and they should be changed very regularly.
  • if you are using diapers please check and change diapers by the clock.

Tiny human kids seem to elicit lot of reaction, from being concerned parents; to protective parents sometimes we tend to suffocate the child. tiniest of aberration or rash on the skin takes on mammoth proportions of panic.  Let us look at what is normal and how to keep it so.

Peeling off of the neonatal skin or the skin of the newborn along with loose stools, hiccoughs is quite normal. The extent of the skin peeling depends if the child is pre-term or over due.  This usually does not call for treatment. Though some parents may like to reassure themselves and want to apply something mild unscented moisturizer may be used.

If the flakiness does not clear up on its own then regular massaging would help. Massaging also helps in bonding with the child. this peeling occurs as the child looses the top layer of its skin. Sometimes the skin cracks round the ankles and wrists this is normal and natural and it only indicates that the child is more sensitive to the air, than the fluid that surrounded it in the womb.

The best way to treat the skin peeling is to leave it alone. If it worries the parent too much then maybe mild unscented moisturizer can be used. Some doctors do recommend aqueous creams, while some recommend olive oil. But it is best to avoid oils from nuts for we are not really sure about the allergy factor.

The skin is a protective, regulative and sensory organ that is the largest and heaviest of the human organs. It’s health is best maintained by keeping it hydrated. And it is best hydrated by oil massage, warm water bath and nutrition. In most cases the nutrition component comes from the maternal health. Cotton diapers and clothes contribute to keeping the skin healthy because it allows the tissue to breathe, and absorbs any sweat or grime. Formed.

image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

“Pampers brings you the softest ever Pampers Premium Care Pants. Its cotton-like softness is #SoftestForBabySkin and allows it to breathe, thus keeping baby’s skin soft and healthy, and your baby happy. ”

Domestic Violence — classical sequence leading to parent abuse.

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https://corporatehealthtrainer.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/domestic-violence-parent-abuse/

image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

Parental abuse is a fairy new term. 1979 had a study on this topic and term used was Parent battery. It was still considered variant juvenile delinquency. The biggest challenge in this area is the lack of reporting by the parent, this makes accuracy a little unreliable. All the same whatever data is available is self confessed from the adolescents.  1988 has a study by Evans and Warren Sohlberg, this is available online.

The abuse of mother is 82% that is almost 5 times more than that of the father.  57% being physical, 3% of throwing things, and 22% being verbal. There were some adolescents who even confessed using weapons. Interestingly 11% of the abusers were below 11yrs.

The abuse levels were maximum in single parenting mothers. The abuse was not associated with ethnic background, socio-economic class or sexual orientation. Though gender does not play a role in the total number of perpetuators, boys were more likely to inflict physical abuse while girls were more likely to inflict emotional ones.

Like mentioned before 11% of the abusers were below 10yrs, but the peak adolescent parental abuse was between 12-17yrs.

The parental abuse is not restricted to the house, but can be in public places too, when it does happen in public it becomes a criminal act.

Teenage is a period where transition from being dependent to become independent occurs these dynamics are affected if there has been unhealthy parenting, particularly control issues. Certain extent of resistance to parental authority is normal; the abuse usually begins with verbal abuse.

If the child has had to defend itself from an aggressive abusive parent, then the child tends to get abusive. If not, the parent has to draw the line as to when the behaviour is acceptable and when it becomes abuse. Though emotional tantrums are part of growing up, parents have to decide where the boundary is and ensure that the child does not cross it. Abusive parents, dysfunctional family and other psychological problems can result in an aggressive child.

There seems to be a typical interaction sequence that ultimately results in abuse

  • The adolescent makes an request
  • The parent asks questions, whatever reason to clarify or needs more information.
  • The adolescent responds and provides the requested information
  • The parent negates the request for whatever reason.
  • The adolescent tries to reason/coax the parental decision. Sometimes even threaten.
  • The parents is firm on his or her decision, the adolescent may start using abusive remarks, threats, harass the parents by following the parent around. Sometimes verbal threats are followed by physical force or emotional abuse and often causing destruction of property or causing financial damage.

It is very essential to recognize this behaviour as abuse and treat it appropriately. If the parent overreacts at this point it could lead to physical abuse. If the parent exhibits tendency to abuse and negative behaviour the child also tends towards it. balancing the two dynamics is the key to healthy family dynamics in reducing potential abuse within families.

A major question that now pops would be is intervention possible. Yes, it is and possibly it is the best possible solution if it is confronted in the adolescent level. care should be taken that it should be confused with child abuse or child neglect. However if the child has mental condition which does not allow the child/teenager to understand what exactly is happening then it will not work.

Though there are courts and child protective services around the world there are no such services to protect the parents.

Next article will look at the fundamental rights of parents that contribute to their health. scheduled on Nov.9th.

Domestic violence — parent abuse.

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image courtesy google.

image courtesy google.

When we normally refer to domestic violence we tend to focus on men abusing their women. But abuse happens in other ways too. There can abuse of the male by the female, the abuse of parent by child the permutations are many.

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behaviour in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual emotional, economic or psychological actions or threads of actions that influence another person.

Abuse of parents by children is also a form of domestic abuse, which rather common but both under-reported and under-researched subject. Parents are quite often subject to levels of childhood aggression either verbally or physically. Parents feel a sense of shame and humiliation to the problem so they rarely seek help and there is usually little or no help available anyway.

Parent abusers need not only be adolescents or young adults between 12-24, they can be younger that 10yrs. Actually 11% of the abusers are less than 10yrs.

The cause for abusive behaviour could the result of bad parenting.  Neglect, abusing the child are part of it, there are children who are given to viewing violent movies and TV serials whose mind accepts violence as normal. Breakdown of family units, dysfunctional family, and parental substance abuse all these contribute. By and large the reasons are standardized as.abuse

  • Arguments getting out of control
  • Aggressive behaviour tendencies,
  • Frustration or inability to deal with problems
  • Not having learned how to control anger
  • Lack of respect for parents for it is perceived as weakness
  • Lack of consequences for bad behaviour
  • Fear
  • Substance abuse
  • Peer pressure
  • Not having adequate role models
  • Getting back on the parents.